Zayn Hussein
DISCLAIMER: This is some story I came up with when I listened to Rucka Rucka Ali's songs about Zayn while I was high on crack. Hope you enjoy. (Remember: THIS IS JOKES, NOT FOR KIDS!) Zayn Hussein is the main antagonist of the Nuckaverse. He is from Iraq and he is the son of Osama bin Laden and his mother is one of the 72 virgins. He currently holds the title as Sultan of Londonistan, which is co-ruled by his virgin Osana Bin Laden and a council of sheikhs known as Al-Qaedirection, which Zayn and his friends: Harry Bols, Louis B Gay, Niall Eleven and Liam Bitchtits, are part of According to Rucka's song Ima Jihadi, legend has it that one day, Zayn met Harry, Louis, Niall and Liam in a Shisha Bar in Londonistan. They started a group together and called it Al-Qadirection on the premise that Zayn gets to show them his nuts. They planned their first attack against the United States by first auditioning for X-Factor, in which the winner gets to go to the United States. They performed extravagantly at the X-Factor no there was no need to threaten the judges with the hidden bombs. "That was fantastic, pack your bags boys, ur going to america!" Said the X-Factor Judge. Once in America, Harry is amazed by the poshness of the american lifestyle, Louis is unable to find a toilet to wash himself in, Niall didn't think that the Americans call floor brushes "Toothbrush". However, they were most amazed about how there are no crumpets to nosh. Zayn's motivating factor for wanting to attack the United States is that he hates their way of life and this shitty country did some terrible stuff. He thought it would be funny to see them all blow up and the twin towers razed to the ground. They planned their attack in the Hotel they were staying. The Hotel staff didn't bat an eye because he and his group is the winner of the X-Factor, so nothing could go wrong rite? Well... they were invited to perform at the award show tonight. Al-Qaedirection saw this as an opportunity to attack the United States. They would carry out a bombing during the award show to cripple the United States as his first terrorist attack and for show Fun Fact: Niall Eleven was uneasy about blowing himself up as he didn't want to die. Even the promise of 72 Directioners and Paradise didn't faze him. They later persuaded him to join the bombing by exploiting his hatred for Russel Brand, who hosts the Award Show. At the award show, Zayn got the group to hide as many bombs as possible in their shirts. They chanted the blessing of Osama Bin Laden and Allah, pleading the two divine entities to grant them strength to carry out their will. After putting their pants on, it was their time... "NEXT UP WE GOT AL-QAEDIRECTION WITH THEIR NEW HIT SINGLE, IMA JIHADI DABUDEE DABUDUM!!!!" -Russel Brand *welcoming applause* As Zayn came onto the stage, he imagined the proud look on his father Osama's face. Today, he was going to commit his first terrorist attack after Osama coordinated the 9/11 attacks on 2001, that brought down the Twin Towers and changed America forever. He was going to change America forever too. After performing their songs, Zayn signalled the group to blow the entire stage up, resulting in a worldwide explosion that affected Staples Center, America and other important places. It was a time of tragedy for America, but a time of celebration for Londonistan. Back at the Fuckingham Palace, Osama saw a shooting star sent by Allah, signalling a successful terrorist attack by his son against america. As a tear formed in his eye, he summoned the people of Londonistan, and loudly proclaimed, "LONDONISTAN 1, AMERICA 0 !!!!!!!!" Osama also pleaded to Allah to bring his son, his favourite virgin and his group from the dead, but needed a sacrifice, and blew up Pakistan with a gas can, brought the bodies as sacrifice to Allah, and Zayn and his loved ones were brought back from the dead. Zayn called a day of celebration, summoning the people of Londonistan, to thank Jesus (cos without him there could be no 9/11),his flying instructor Barack Obama (There was a pronunciation error due to the fat that he ate a hummus feast before this thank-you speech), Jihad express, the Saudi Family, Paula Abdul (Possible mother?), Selena Gomez (Another Possible Mother?) and the rest of Hamas, His new virgin Osana Bin Laden, R. Kelly (who made him believe he could fly) and the fans. Back in America, a man in Detroit who was half-black was invited to the Pentagon, where he met high-profile figures like Obama, Clinton and Bush, who knew of his dark parody talent, and thought he could use that talent to bring down Zayn and Osama. He was widely known for songs, that feature blacks, asians, jews, women and other groups. His racial sense of humour was needed to bring down Al-Qaedirection and destroy Londonistan for the greater good of America. However, this man declined, and wished to pursue a music career instead of fighting terror. Finally, on July 24 2013, he finally decided to help fight the monstrosity called Al-Qaedirection, and released a song, called "Zayn Did 9/11", which signalled the declaration of war to Zayn Hussein and the Directioner Army of Londonistan. This began Rucka's Bizarre Adventure On the day that this article was finished, there was a shooting at a mosque in Christchurch, NZ. This shows that the battle is still being fought between the man and Zayn. And this man is known as the 1st Rucka, Rucka Rucka Ali.